Life in the not too distant past has given me opportunity to grow in forgiveness. That's a pleasant way of saying that I have fought tooth and nail to release resentment. One learning in this process is that there comes a point in our pain when we must stop living out of the problem and start living into the solution. What do I mean by this?
Early in my hurt, my prayer focus was predominantly asking God to help me forgive. I was asking God over and over to help me let go of the anger. I was trying to pray my way out of the problem. Not entirely a bad thing. But praying your way out of the problem is only half of the solution.
When I came to a place where I let go of those prayers and began praying for the well-being of the one who harmed me, then I truly began to let go and replace hurt with health. As long as you are praying around your anger, then the energy of your life is still absorbed in thoughts and feelings about the anger. However, when you come to a place of praying for God's best for your enemy, when you prayer for their health and happiness, then the energy in your life is focused on compassion. Too bring myself to this place, I had to reflect on a saying that is tried and true, "hurting people, hurt people." Reminding myself of this common pattern allowed me to look with eyes of compassion on the one whom had harmed me.
There is an important disclaimer that I need to add. Praying for God's best is not merely a substitute for asking God to help you let go of anger. Both are necessary. We must be honest before God about the hurt and anger that we are feeling. We cannot leap past it. It is part of the process of grieving the hurt that we have felt. The key is fully feeling the hurt and yet not allowing ourselves to become stuck. Forgiveness involves a flow from the problem into the solution. The movement from anger to grace is sometimes a long slow journey. However, the alternative of remaining stuck is far more life depleting than the risk of forgivenes.
Blessings to you as you seek to forgive, love and care for those whom have hurt you.
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
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2 comments:
I think one of the biggest things that stood out to me in this article was how important it is that this journey is a process. I know in the church tradition I grew up in, I was made to feel guilty for being angry, and for "sitting" in the middle of anger for periods of time in order for me to get to the other side of that - forgiveness, peace and reconciliation. I have wrestled with God in situations of deep pain and anger in my life, and allowed myself to "be" in that darkness, and pray honestly in that darkness until the time came to turn the corner and be done with it. Doing so in good time allowed me not only to put the anger to rest and usher in the experience of forgiveness, but it also restored my heart more wholey to God in a genuine and deeper way.
I believe "dark nights of the soul" are not meant to be viewed as periods in life that are to be escaped from as quickly as possible and then swept under the rug. Instead, I have experienced invaluable times of spiritual growth and maturity in the midst these times.
Well said, novice p.d. Often anger, darkness and periods of transition are periods of grieving that need to be embraced. Not denied and ignored. These are times of integration and cannot be rushed.
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